Wouldn't you know it, I am officially a tutor at Tallahassee Community
College! I am quite excited about it all, and my first client is this
afternoon! Since I'm going to be working with people, I'd thought that I'd
might as well make some rules to go along with my tutoring. After all,
every tutor has rules that he has to make, and these will help me tutor
better if you follow these guidelines.
1. Please state exactly what you'd like to learn. This, you'd think,
would be common knowledge but you'd be quite shocked as to just how many
people come and ask me for my advice but then don't know what issue they are
having and what they want to work on. I understand that they might not know
what it is they're thinking about but at least have some idea! Honestly. oh
my god. Please come to class with some work ethic.
2. Do not come to smelling like any sort of drugs. I'll hand you a bar
of soap and tell you to go in the bathroom and wash up. Besides, if you're
coming to a college campus anyway, why in the hell would you want to come
smelling like weed.
3. If you don't know what the assignment is talking about then please
bring a copy with you so that way I can have you read it to me. If you are
blind, it is your responsibility to email me the assignment ahead of time
and provide me with any text that you are doing with the assignment. If
you're not prepared in that sense, then you'd better be really good at
explaining the assignment to someone else.
4. Bring me food to eat. I like food, and I'm a poor white child. When
coming to the tutoring session I encourage you to bring me some dried fruit
or perhaps some granola bars. Hell, if you're attractive enough, I shall ask
you to invite me over for dinner for some extra help with the assignment. If
you don't bring food, this may damper the tutoring. My stomach will be too
distracted to let me concentrate and this will affect your overall grade
since I won't be able to concentrate enough to grade you. See why food is so
important?
5. Do not bring your friends. I can't stress this enough! Seriously,
you're friends are going to just sit there anyway, and if they are being
disruptive I will give them all mega wedgies and also I will grab them by
the scruff if their colors and toss them out while humming the theme son to
star wars.
6. Please let me see another draft. Seriously, no paper is awesome just
once, no matter how good I say it is. Show me your second draft and all
drafts after that.
7. Please don't sit in my lap. I think this will make me Horney rather
than helpful.
8. When you leave and enter, you MUST say how handsome I am. To ensure
the best results, compliment me as much as possible. I thrive in a positive
environment.
9. If you're going to be late email me or call me. While doing this you
must also state how handsome I am.
10. Don't send me application invites on face book. If you do I will
beat you with a wet noodle the next time I see you and I will even do it in
front of everyone!
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